A 39-year-old Nigerian woman, Deborah Temitope James, has narrated a harrowing account of emotional abuse, financial exploitation, and near-fatal health complications she suffered during her six-year marriage, as she seeks urgent support to file for divorce.
In a detailed personal statement, Mrs. James recounted how she met her estranged husband in 2016 while working as a facilitator for an oil and gas firm.
According to her on the Talk-to-B interview programme, their friendship grew, and by 2017, he informed her that he had quit his job as a sailor and wanted to partner with her in business, a proposal she accepted.
According to her, the man proposed marriage in 2018.
She initially declined because she was involved with someone else, whom she hoped to marry, pointing out that when that relationship failed and under pressure from peers, she eventually accepted his proposal despite strong personal reservations.
“I agreed to marry him because of family and peer pressure, not because he was my desire or spec, and worst of all, he wasn’t spiritually sound,” she said.
The couple married in March 2019, but Mrs. James said she bore nearly the entire financial burden of the wedding, stressing, “I financed our wedding 99 percent. I don’t want any lady to do such.”
She explained that marital difficulties began almost immediately after their wedding.
She said that by 2020, the responsibility of running the home had fallen solely on her, and she struggled to keep the family afloat financially, including starting an Uber business for her husband that yielded no success.
She alleged that her husband was frequently absent from home, easily angered, and continued these patterns despite interventions from family members and their s[spiritual leaders.
Health challenges deepened her woes. Mrs. James, who disclosed she had informed him of her medical condition before marriage, said she was abandoned after suffering complications from an attempted manual fibroid removal, an option she pursued out of fear of undergoing surgery.
“I bled seriously and almost lost my life. In that condition, he left me and went to Ghana,” she recalled, adding that her mother and sister cared for her during the ordeal.
She said she stayed with her family for two months without any visit or concern from her husband.
Mrs. James also reported episodes of psychological and physical distress during intimacy, recounting how he restrained her hands because he believed she was “using his glory.”
“He said that was why he was preventing me from touching his head,” she said.
Her struggles led to severe depression, causing her to attempt suicide twice.
She also lost her mother in 2022, a tragedy she links to the emotional and financial strain she faced.
“Before I met him, I was a millionaire. I lived in GRA, Shagamu. After marriage, I became poor,” she said, revealing she spent more than ₦2 million on herbal treatments while trying to manage her health.
She said her husband later declared he was done with the marriage, insisting he never loved her.
She has since learnt that he has remarried.
Despite her painful experiences, she said she has forgiven him but now seeks a formal dissolution of the marriage, appealing, “What I want now is to be formally divorced. I need support to file for divorce in court.”
Mrs. James’ story underscores the rising concerns around domestic abuse, emotional manipulation and financial exploitation in marriages, as advocacy groups continue to call for stronger institutional support for vulnerable spouses.
