Pastor Bolaji Idowu of Harvesters Church has revealed how horrible his growing up was saying that while growing up in a polygamous home, he felt rejected.
Idowu, who revealed this to Chude said, “I have been a victim of emotional issues. I was raised without a father. I have no memory of my father hugging me. I came from a polygamous background.”
The cleric said that his situation was so bad to the extent that his step mother could not stand him explaining, “It was so bad because of the arrangement it was in the family. If my father was in a place and I was with him, if my step mum comes into that place, I have to go. She can’t set her eyes on me. So, just imagine how a seven-year-old boy interprets that? The thing about being a child is that you can’t interpret the complexity of what goes on in life. You just know how you feel.”
Pastor Bolaji Idowu
According to him, one incident at nine years old still lingers in his memory. “I went to see my uncle. My father paid a surprise visit with my stepmother. I hadn’t seen him in four months, but I was told to leave. I walked for two hours that day, crying, and felt completely unwanted.”
He said that this painful upbringing took a toll on his self-esteem, leading to what he described as “over-attachment syndrome,” a condition fueled by an early taste of love that was later snatched away. “You overextend yourself to people, and they abuse that vulnerability because they see how much you crave acceptance,” he explained.
Idowu delved into the emotional struggles that stem from broken homes, single parenting, and dysfunctional families.
“In a family, a father builds a son’s self-confidence, while a mother gives love. When one or both are missing, it creates a disequilibrium. Many children from such homes grow up emotionally ‘deaf and dumb,’ unable to process or express their feelings,” he said.
He also touched on societal pressures that discourage boys from acknowledging their emotions saying, “Men are taught to suppress their feelings from a young age, telling them, don’t cry, you’re a man! This conditioning makes it difficult for many to connect with their emotions as adults. It’s a wound that festers in marriages, businesses, and relationships, and leading to emotional wreckage.”
Through his story, Idowu highlighted the invisible scars many carry into adulthood, often manifesting in anxiety, emotional detachment, or dysfunctional relationships.
However, he is also a testament to the possibility of healing and his experiences have shaped his ministry, where he advocates for emotional awareness and healthy expressions of love and vulnerability.
For him, the path to recovery begins with acknowledging the pain. “We have to unlearn what we were taught about emotions and create a safe space to feel, heal, and grow,” he emphasised.
